I Mean Honestly.....

.....who better to push a campaign to manufacture better helmets for the army then Cher.

props to abc news

"I Thought She Was Joking".....

"In total, Cher's donations represent about one-sixth of the $800,000 that Operation Helmet has raised".....

You go girl.

Houston, We Have A Problem!

Ah yes.....

The list abounds of articles devoted to how to write personal and professional correspondences using e-mail.

This week a recruiter contacted me for a consulting gig within one of the nameless government agencies funded by $5,000 toilet seats.

Anyway, this position they were interested me in applying for required not only a top secret clearance, but a full scope polygraph as well. Well I have a TS, but not the polygraph. When the young woman realized this she emailed me back with the first sentence stating, ''It seems we have a problem...."

Why is it our problem, I do not have a polygraph?
Why is it our problem, you contacted me about the position?
Why is it our problem, you do not know the requirements for the job you are considering me for?
Why is it our problem, your grammar rates at the seventh grade reading level?

Not that I am the grammar police or the paragon of literacy, but c'mon....

Maybe try "Oh, I am sorry you do not meet the full requirements for this job, my mistake..."

Why am I to share in your incompetence?....

Haha...clearly this is a company I want to work for....

Hit the Road Jack....

Muhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.......

Ignorance is Bliss

Ok, so me and roomie (from Gas-Hole blog) are in the local Giant on RI Ave, waiting in the express line with our goods.

These lines are always long at this Giant, almost like it is the only grocery store in the district.

But anyway.....

2 guys are in front of us in line when a third joins, to the irritation and grumbling of the other folks behind us. My roomie, always the activist, makes a mention aloud, "Will anyone else be joining us this evening?"

One of the original 2 men makes a mention that the third gentleman was with them initially.

Ah yes, this is plainly evident as it took a few seconds for them to recognize this bloke and they proceeded to talk at length and catch up...

Quite obviously they had not seen one another in some time....

Well the third guy who joined made a reference about not paying attention to us and that my friend was ignorant...which the cashier thought was comical....to his credit my roomie held his tongue, which if you know him, must have been a Herculean effort.

So finally when its our turn in line, the cashier looks at me and smiles in that way you know is meant to be degrading and I went off....

In not so many adjectives I explained to her and those around me who heard the ignorant comment how my roomie has a doctorate in pediatric medicine and, god knows, how many children and infants he has saved over the years....

Yes his ignorance abounds doesnt it...

Well the woman behind us looked us over again and smiled warmly with an amen on her lips...

I ended my pronouncement with the thought and hope my roomie's ignorance didnt interfere with his ability to one day maybe treating the gentlemen's (who made the "ignorant" comment) child....

To her credit the cashier's smile slid from her face like ice cream off a cone on a hot day and did not look up or make eye contact with the either myself or roomie for the rest of the time it took to check out....

Not that I like to hand out chastisements right and left, but god knows, her ignorance was not going to save her now...

And to the gentleman out there in DC, be glad my roomie would never hold your comment if, god forbid, your son or daughter are ever brought to the trauma room of Kings Daughters when my roomie is on the clock, against you.....when he saves their lives.

Gas-Hole

So, this morning while on our way to work we have to stop to get gas. My roommate gets out and proceeds to put $5 in the tank. Well about $.14 comes out on the ground and all over my roommate. Needless to say, not a good way to begin the morning.

Wait....it gets better...

When he tells the attendant (behind 6 inches of bullet proof glass - it is NE afterall) what happened and asks to be moved to another pump, the attendant says no, there is nothing wrong with the pump, all evidence (roommate - gasoline all over pants and hands) to the contrary. My roomie then asks for money back, but the attendant will only give back $4.86.

Wait....it gets even better...

My roomie then loses it on the attendant and an ugly shouting match ensues (I love that word). Finally with no obvious recourse we call the police. Why, over $.14, you ask. PRINCIPLE, plain and simple. So we call the police and then ask for the store managers number to let him know we have called the police. My roomie calls, and the guy picks up the phone.


Wait.....this is too good, its fattening....

When my roomie tells the manager what is going on, with the pump, the attendant, and the police, the guy (and we just happened to be looking at the front of the store) comes out of the store....!!?!!

My roommate gets out of the car, shows him his stained pants, the pool of gasoline on the ground, and informs him the police are on their way. All of a sudden, like a new face of eve, the manager puts us at another pump and we fill the car with $5 of gas, cancel the police, and move on our merry way.

Morale of the story...

Customer Service in this country sucks.
Always use credit card for gasoline in NE DC.
Never under any circumstances should u wear horizontal and vertical stripes in the same outfit.

Cheers.

Rise of the Burning Bush

So yesterday my roommate is picking me up from and is telling me this humorous story involving a security card in the building I work. This is only too good and I take great child-like delight in relating this story to the y'all.

So anyway, a fire is started near a bush behind the building near one of the many guard posts (probably from a lit cigarette, who knows), manned by an uber fearless and highly trained government security professional (security guard). A homeless man, yes a homeless man mind you is the first to act, as the security guard is too busy yapping on her cell phone. Unfortunately the homeless, while having the best of intentions, makes the situation worse, while trying to put the fire out with a try bush twig, causing the fire to now spread to our innocent bush. Finally our gun-toting femme fatale, now finished with her National Security phone call to her girlfriend proceeds to panic and call the fire department. In steps my roommate who manages to convince our well trained security guard to loan him the FIRE EXTINGUISHER in the guard shack, which he uses to put out the small fire (or roaring brush fire) depending on who you talk too.

To put the cherry on the cake of this incident, the WELL-ARMED security guard thanks him profusely, looks around, and proudly declares, "At least someone around here has some brains!"



As my roommate, shaking his head, returns to the car a woman passing him by who witnessed the titanic battle of man vs nature, mutters while shaking her head, "Government Employees."

Keep in mind this is a "well trained" well armed government employee. God help us in a real emergency.

Ha!!

New Obsession

Yes, I have a new obsession helping to keep me and us out of the bars for the last several months while in hibernation...guess?



This uber-geek moment brought to you by.....

me